Before fall, I would never have described myself as cynical and negative, however I found those traits becoming increasingly pervasive as the year-end approached and I just couldn’t seem to shake them. The glass seemed to be half-empty when before, quite the opposite was true. And, of course, it didn’t help that my own health seemed to deliver one blow after another most of the year and toward summers end had resulted in a major dietary change that left me with none of my traditional, albeit unhealthy, crutches to help me self soothe when things got tough.
So, what changed this morning when we turned the collective page and welcomed 2015? Absolutely nothing. And yet, as the ball dropped and the New Year approached, I had the very tangible feeling of relief, as if the weight of 2014 was being physically lifted from my shoulders.
Who knows, maybe it was?
Daybreak today brought with it a clear, crystal blue sky…and, all the same realities of 2014: my friends are still gone, my health remains precarious, at best, and my diet, yeah…well, that hasn’t miraculously changed either; yet, today the glass feels half-full again and I feel substantially better equipped to manage these and the other curveballs that 2015 might bring my way. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can breathe again and that feels really good.
As I closed my eyes in the wee hours of this morning, I stuck to tradition and said what has become my post diagnosis New Year prayer of thanks and made what always seems a greedy request for “just one more.” And, while it remains to be seen if that will happen, I do know that I am not going to allow this year to pass without creating more beautiful moments, meeting more goals that I’ve set for myself and writing the things that I feel passionate about sharing.
So far this year, I’m exceeding expectations. Not only was I up early this morning in the gym, but I also spent a serious stretch of time alone…writing. In other words, in 2015, I’ve promised myself that I will focus on things that are good for my heart.